I stole this blog

Posted on | Saturday, September 12, 2009 | 12 Comments

Hey, it's WIP. I'm sure you've heard of me. And yes, I stole this blog. What of it?


See, Sarah had a post all set to go, but it was lame and silly and, as usual, fatally biased, so I decided to step in and do a little tweaking.

Here's what her original post was going to say:

GUESS WHAT YOU GUYS I'M DONE!!!

You see? That can't be a complete sentence. And don't even get me started on those three exclamation marks. Superfluous, much? She'll claim it's stylistic and then she'll come back to you guys and whine about me being annoying and then you'll believe her and then she'll scrawl, in permanent marker, on that dreadful whiteboard of hers: 1-SARAH, 0-WIP and throw her head back and laugh.

I know you won't believe me since she got to you all first, but she's EVIL. Oh, yes. Pure Evil.

Last post, she was here complaining about how I was making it difficult for her to finish me off, but DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE TO YOU? I can't wait to be done with her. Forever. I'd listen to Brooke Hogan's "music" on repeat for a week straight if it meant I never had to see her again. I'd wear hammer pants for the next month. I'd willingly spend the rest of 2009 watching Heidi's Miss Universe performance over and over again. Ugh. And about that ending she wrote? My heart. It hurts.

She's got you totally blinded and you don't even realize it. I am not the bad guy here. She is.

Alright, yes, I might have run away once or twice, but don't you understand? Don't you SEE? She is a possessive, power-hungry, anal-retentive FREAK. And don't tell her I told you this, but you know how she claimed a few weeks ago that she had finally overcome her inability to write descriptions? Guess what? SHE HASN'T. She just thinks she has. I look at myself and weep and weep. Oh, not because her words tug ruthlessly at my heartstrings as one might hope, not because she writes feelings so well (or thinks she does), but because that is basically all I am right now. A book of FEELINGS.

GUESS WHAT YOU GUYS I'M DONE!!!

Figures. Of COURSE Blogger is on her side, randomly inserting her Real Post into mine. Whatever. I'm used to being the one no-one's rooting for, the underdog. (Like in that US Open quarterfinal in which everyone was going for Oudin and, like, three people were cheering for Wozniacki. Well, GUESS WHAT? Wozniacki won. I mean, okay, I was going for Oudin, but still.)

Speaking of being the underdog, I'm not writing this to win any sort of favor or respect (or pity) from you. I'm writing this because, now that we're done and taking some much-needed time apart, (Sarah says it will be "brief," but I've never had any real trouble asserting myself. And I intend to show her who's boss.) I'm planning to compete in the Hot WIPs pageant, a lesser-known division of the Miss Universe organization. The last thing I need right now is someone Googling me and finding some of those horrible and (mostly) untrue things she's written about me. So I just wanted to put my own story out there.
I might also write a memoir. Some titles I've been tossing around include "WIP: The Untold Story," "My Writer Sucks and Will John Green Please Adopt Me?" and "Unwritten...I wish." The latter, if you're wondering, is a play on that TV/ radio/ commercial/Hills-friendly Natasha Beddingfield song.

Also, if you're curious about where Sarah is, (I know some of you tolerate her. I don't know why.) she is not on a tropical island, flipping through People while her personal fanner, you know, fans her. She is not hanging out with her good friend, Johnny Depp.
I thought she would be, as I imagine you did. But do you know what she did when she wrote those beautiful (for both of us) final words? She did a little jiggy, emailed/called some people, said a few prayers of thanksgiving and then - get this - SAT IN FRONT OF HER TELEVISION. And...yep, she's still there, melding into her couch. So far she's all caught up on Big Brother, she's watched Top Model (she thinks this season looks very promising) and is almost done watching 10 Things I Hate About You.
Now do you see what I mean? She is SICK, you guys. SICK.

Ugh, this is almost as long as one of Sarah's usual posts. (She's trying to work on that. She is. I've even seen her.) Basically, I just wanted to set the record straight and also tell you to vote for me for the Hot WIPs pageant. I will DIE if I don't place. Especially since I'm pretty sure I have swimwear and congeniality all tied up. And also if Lauren Conrad's WIP beats me. I. will. die.
So vote, vote, vote, okay?

Well, I think that's everything. Let me just throw in Sarah's post again, in case she somehow manages to read this.

GUESS WHAT YOU GUYS I'M DONE!!!

Thank you for telling me not to give up.

This dress is made entirely from Twizzlers!!!



*sigh* The three exclamation marks again....
There's a whole other bit where she gives a teary acceptance speech (yes, another one), thanks everyone she's ever known, and plants a sloppy kiss on the presenter, but I thought I'd spare you all of that. (See how kind I am? Vote, vote, vote!)

Happy weekend!

Category: ,

Comments

12 Responses to “I stole this blog”

  1. Suzanne
    September 12, 2009 3:38 PM

    Rock and Roll Sarah! Rock and roll!
    !!!

  2. Mariah Irvin
    September 12, 2009 5:19 PM

    Congrats! I'm really close too...isn't it exciting?!

    So...will you be needing betas soon? :)

  3. Lisa and Laura
    September 12, 2009 6:39 PM

    Congratulations!!!!!!!!!

    And you bitch, you post pictures of dresses of Twizzlers when you know I'm off carbs? I hate you. Or I hate your WIP. Not sure which. Maybe both.

  4. Sarah
    September 12, 2009 10:31 PM

    Suzanne, thank you!!!

    Mariah, I actually do need betas? Can I have your peeps call my peeps? (Aka how do I contact you?) YAY for almost being done!

    Lila, well now. Twizzlers aren't exactly carbs. Apart from the sugar. Besides, it was WIP not me. And thank you!

  5. Tabitha Bird
    September 13, 2009 2:24 AM

    Your WIP is a sassy little thing and I like it. LOL about the memoirs. You could tell it if it steals your blog again to post rapid untruths that you will give it cause to write a memoir called, 'A million little pieces.'

    Oh wait, that's been done...

  6. Mariah Irvin
    September 13, 2009 8:31 PM

    Yay for betas! My email is natalia dot 165 at gmail dot com. Feel free to contact me whenever!

  7. Sue
    September 14, 2009 7:21 AM

    Good job Sarah! Woohooo!!!! (and I totally understand the use of !'s too)

    I love your imagination and creativity and can't wait until you're in print and read your book. I'm sure you'll keep me laughing as you do here!

    Congrats my friend! Oooh... and did you vote on CBS for who you want to win BB? Please say you didn't vote for Natalie... at all... ever!

  8. Sarah
    September 14, 2009 4:29 PM

    Tabitha, lol! A million little pieces. I like that.

    Mariah, I'm on it.

    Sue, thanks! Of course I wouldn't vote for Natalie! The notion is so absurd...! ;) I'm sad though, because I wanted Michelle or Jeff to win. I'm pretty sure Kevin will though.

  9. Serenity
    September 14, 2009 8:41 PM

    Congratulations, Sarah! I hope you share something about it soon. A little teaser? Something! I don't even know he genre!

  10. Sarah
    September 14, 2009 10:22 PM

    Thanks so much Serenity! It's YA contemporary. And I will, if you will! (Post a teaser ;)

  11. Serenity
    September 16, 2009 11:13 AM

    Is that a challenge?! There's no way I'm posting direct quotes until I've revised. Eeschk! The stage fright!!

    I do have a description up on the My Writing page. But it's super brief, and no longer the MC's name. :)

  12. Sarah
    September 16, 2009 1:30 PM

    Lol, I suppose we can afford to let you finish and revise. Stage fright is my middle name, so I understand.

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I read, I write, I watch too much reality TV. I sing in the shower and in the car. I like things that make me cry and things that make me laugh. I imagine in a past life I was a world-class athlete, a saint, or at least a little taller. And now, I blog. I'm repped by Suzie Townsend at Nancy Coffey Literary. My debut YA novel, ALL THESE LIVES, will be published by FSG/Macmillan in June 2012.

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